There's really no way to guess how you'd feel if those two things were looming on the horizon. For me, it sucks. I'm actually, completely, totally terrified. And well meaning statements about positivity and being in the moment and how I have another eye are not helping. I'm not in that place right now. I will find it, I know because I always do. But I also think there is value in honesty, and something to be gained by having, naming and owning the real feelings associated and letting them ride out without being told I should be feeling some other way.
Maybe you had a scary medical thing and you were fascinated or super zen about it. That's great. Maybe you have trained yourself to never "give in" to fear. Rock on. I am not in that place. This isn't easy. I don't need anyone to do anything or say anything to fix it, but I can tell you I'm not ready for "at least". "At least blahblah sunshine" is basically like saying, "You're fear makes me uncomfortable. I think you should keep it to yourself because it gives me weird feels and I want that to stop for me." or "I care about you and I am worried about you and I want to stop your fear or sadness". Fear isn't solved by platitudes. And there isn't anything wrong with having it or naming it. As the listener it's not your fault, it's not your problem, and you can't fix it.
Do you know how to help someone in crisis? You make eye contact with them. You put your hand on their arm. You tell them you know this is hard. You sit with them in silence without expecting them to "get a better attitude". You ask them if there is anything you can do for them. It's like waiting under an awning for a storm to pass. It will pass.
That's it.
No comments:
Post a Comment